Love & Break-up

See you after the break... 'Milte hai break ke baad'.... Oh I am not talking about the commercial break in television programs. I am talking about the break-up, real hard break-up from the one whom you loved the most. Who, you could not get out of your mind, no matter what you were actually doing? Someone whom you loved passionately and probably more than yourself at one point in time. Everything seemed so beautiful and perfect, just when you were with that person. You always had the feeling which is expressed as 'Made for each other' or 'Soul Mate'.
Suddenly one day you decide to breakup? for what? has that become a fashion? or now you realize that you have come so close to each other that it becomes difficult to live without the other one, and you just don't want to be so much dependent on other person. What is the reason for this breakup? or its just that it was best thing in that situation, now you change the college or organization or move to other city and now you feel that its not going to be same and just don't want to continue with this 'love' anymore. Its hard for you but you still want to take that step.
Such thing has become so common now a days. People madly fall in love and then crazily rise up again in breakup (just to fall in love again). Come on guys, why fall in love when you are more bothered about rising after the fall. Hey I'm not joking here. You see there are so many websites, who give tips over how to get over the worst breakup of your life? I don't know how useful they are but its definitely soothing to find other trapped in the same situation as you. So when you read the testimonial about what others did in that situation, it helps you feel that you have someone else also floating in the same boat and you are more confident of sailing through. I think this formula works in any kind of situation.
So many incidents of breakups are found these days that its really hard to understand if there was any love at first place? People just mutually decide to move on, that too all of a sudden, with no real reason. I have difficulty in understanding this kind of breakup. Breakups used to happen earlier also but they were different. They were not like love passionately for few days and then breakup never to see again with mutual consent. And even if you happen to see as sometimes its unavoidable, you maintain a good friendly relationship. What kind of relationship is this? Is that people can now switch on & off their emotional buttons. is there nothing like commitment left in these relations? What if someone is not aware and gets trapped in this new kind of emerging relation?
I know most of my blogs lately have questions & questions? may be because I have twin two year old kids who just keep on asking & asking tirelessly. Its just their influence on me. But this time I am really worried about this matter. Come on guys, let love be what it has been ever since the time of Laila-Majnu, Romeo-Juliet etc. Do not play with and test others and your emotions. And have some basic values of sacrifice & commitment in this most fulfilling relationship. Its the only relation that clicks through heart & remains the most mysterious & rewarding thing in any one's life. Just don't call it love when you do not have these feelings. It can be called anything else but love. And by chance there is a love that ends up because of some reason, do not try to find it again in something or someone else and make a joke out of it. Just feel lucky that it was with you for a while and you had those 'best moments' of your life. On the scientific aspect, the chemicals that your mind produce when you are really in love with someone cannot be produced again for someone else. So there is no point in you trying hard to get the same feeling for someone else. Stop your mad rush and let it click again. Who knows next time if (ever) it clicks, your mind will produce something that can give you a real 'high' that you never experienced before. But whatever it is, let love be love and even if it ends let it remain as love. The feelings and emotions that you experience are always yours and can never be taken away by anyone.

Working Mother

Last weekend, we had gone out for dinner with some of my husband's office colleagues and there family. In all we were 4 families and as usual we were chatting about kids, maids, work etc. But after sometime I realized that all the other women except me were house wives. 2 of them had left their job after kids and 1 never took up any job. They talked about how relieved they were after leaving their job and how much more time and attention they can give to their kids now. Suddenly I had few questions that came to my mind? Like am I doing something wrong by being a working mother? Is it really that my kids are missing out on something specially my time and amount of interaction I have with them? Am I really sacrificing anything on my home front by opting to be a working mother? I asked my husband casually how he would feel if I leave my job. Will I be a better wife and home maker and above all a better mother? He is very clever, he never gives me direct replies to such questions and smiled and said you have right to choose the way you want to live your life and you only are the best judge. I do not have any problem, whatever you choose. Oh I knew the answer but still gave a try.
So I introspected, I observed my kids, relived my routine life in my mind as to what compromises I am making, if any, by choosing to work. For me my mother was not working so I even tried talking to some of my friends whose mother was working to find out. Almost everyone said they never felt any difference. In fact they were all proud of the way they were brought up, specially the girls. I think girls realize what their mother have done for them after they are mothers themselves and same for guys too. Once you step into the role played by someone else you realize where exactly it bites the most :) So in all I spoke to some 10 women some working, some not working. And from the working one's I got the reply that they believe in spending quality time with kids. They never feel they are compromising anything instead they have learned to take help for the everyday household stuff and also learnt to let go at times. Also there kids are more independent. For the ones who are not working they said, they can plan activities related to kids more and they are able to socialize which was not possible before. They are always available for all the big to small needs of their child.
So really question that I had in beginning does not have any definite answer. I just believe that if you are happy everything else falls in place. You are able to spread that happiness to your family, your society and vice versa. So the key to all this is that women should see what is she happy doing. If she is happy when she steps out of house and do something she is skilled to do, she gets that extra energy & enthusiasm to handle the things at home. And if some women feel that they would be more happy to sit at home and take care of everything on their own. That is how they always wished to live their life. They should definitely take a break and enjoy. That is the only way you can take care of your family because I strongly believe that the charm, enthusiasm, togetherness and enjoyment in any family is brought by the women of that family. And kids are mirror image of their parents. So kids who are more happy, bubbly & cheerful are more likely to have similar parents. So it’s just that we should not be comparing ourselves with others in taking such decisions, it all depends on individual. There is nothing as right or wrong here. It’s the sense of responsibility that comes to everyone as soon as they enter the parenthood and how each one wants to handle that is left to that individual.

Next 3 Days

I think the name of the movie was 'next 3 days'. I missed the initial part of the movie as was busy cleaning up the stuff in kitchen after lunch yesterday and my hubby had already started the movie. He thought I would prefer afternoon nap as I was tired after preparing festival lunch and performing the rituals for gudipadwa and my kids went to sleep (which is very rare). I hardly get to sleep in afternoons as for my two little darling (twins), sleeping is never on priority, unlike me :) I opted for lying down in hall, where my hubby was already engrossed in the movie, instead of going in the bedroom and sleeping next to kids. So I missed the initial 10 mins of the movie and later on my hubby told me the name but I don't remember it exactly. As at that time I was again busy in multitasking, getting my kids ready to go to garden and also thinking about what can we have in dinner, also do I have everything ready for tomorrow as we have to go to daycare and office after 3 days of holiday, also did I put the keys in my wallet etc etc. Anyways, the movie was awesome. Be that the story or the acting or the editing. Everything about it was superb. I couldn't close my eyes for even a second. There were not many dialogues and many things left to the audience to interpret. But it is so well acted by Russell Crowe. I just fell in love with that man while watching him. I think my hubby sensed that too :) but his character was written and portrayed in a wonderful way. This man has tried his best to get his wife out of prison. He has appealed and appealed and failed. And then he is forced to accept that this is the kind of life his wife is going to live. It is when his wife attempts suicide and his son is going through all the emotional ups downs without his mother, that is when this man decides that he is going to bring his wife back. And once he has made up his mind, he is ready to do anything and everything. It was thrilling experience. I still have a little hang over, even after a day. I am happy that my kids slept for 2 hours yesterday afternoon and I could watch such a fantastic movie. It was really refreshing after a very long time :)

In Search

If we look at most of the people around, they are doing the same kind of thing everyday. Yet few people have a different charm. They are always in search of doing something different. They are the few who excel. If we choose the correct word for them then they are very passionate. I think they are at the place of there choice and they are fit for the work they are into. Most of them were bound to be doing only this as compared to others who are just following the mass. When I think about myself, I am still confused as to what is that I would have taken up as a profession would have given me more satisfaction then what I am currently into. But I am not able to find the answer. when I was in school, I wanted to be an architect. I used to admire the way building plans were made and implemented. When I was in college I wanted to be a RJ, I had even gone to Akashvani kendra to give inerview but was not selected. Actually was not aware of the process and realized that going for any exam without awareness can never give results. Only luck cannot make you shahrukh khan or bill gates or sachin tendulkar. It is there knowledge which makes them what they are today. Yeah but that was my dream. Then I also wanted to be an editor of magazine or news paper at one point in time. I used to like that job. I still love all these jobs and I also love the job I am into. But still not able to find out what is that I am passionate about most and which I can convert to my profession. Actually I am never fussy about anything I do that is the reason I am not able to find the answer. May be someday I will be able to find answer to this question.

I just don't want my life to end like this. I want to do something different and outstanding. That doesn't mean that I want to be famous but I want to be happy within and satisfied just to find out the way of expressing myself the best. I don't want to end up doing the same thing which 10s and thousands of others are also doing. if I can put a word for this it should be something innovative. Something that represents me as a person. I am in search of that and hope to find it soon.

Friends

If I think of instances in past, I realize how my life has changed so much. Infact all of us, who were together for whole day in our college, have now changed. How much fun it used to be, those lectures, practicals, movies, trips. Even we used to study (for namesake) together. Such a bonding we had that even on sundays we used to meet somehow. If we could not, we would call up each other. Friends is all I could think of when I think of my school and college life. My mother used to tell me how many friends you have, she used to be very tired on my birthdays when my friends used to come to my place to wish me and she had to prepare something for all of them. I still remember she used to tell me that on your birthday's you do not have time for us and its only your friends. Even now when I meet any of them or talk to them (once in a while), I feel as if I am still 17 year old. As if life is still same. Some of my friends are doing great in there job, some have flourished business of there own. Almost all married, some have kids (1 or 2 or 3 as well) :) All of them are well settled. Leave alone guys, even girls who only dreamt of being housewives (as they had there dream person with them in college :))are doing something and not following the traditional housewife role which there mother's or older generation did. So I was saying, when I meet them its still the same magic that we share. Even after not talking for months, when we meet and talk, it never happens that we do not have words. We always share the same feelings. I really feel blessed and happy to have not 1 or 2 such friends but many such friends through out from school to my recent job. I share special relationship with everyone but still the old is gold and the friends from school and college bring out that bubbly and cheerful person out of me, unknowingly.